Becoming Famous

Now that I’ve turned 19 I figure I still have about a year left to be pathetic in every possible way, thus I’ve been working on a draft to my first zombie novel. At the moment I am trying to decide between two very different plots. The first is a complete rewrite of Zombieland with a girl as main character. The girl would obviously bear much resemblance to myself but slightly cooler and therefore tricking the world into believing that I’m just that cool.

My other plot follows a suppressed woman from being beaten by her husband before the zombie outbreak to her beginning to stand on her own feet. If I decide on this plot it’s going to be a damn long book. I’ve just read The Zombie Survival Guide and I’m already planning my own escape. Since the possibilities of an actual zombie outbreak aren’t that big, I will have to live it trough my book. It still needs some adjustment and I still have to figure out where I place myself in the story. Maybe I could place a female Woddy Harrelson part. Other than that, I think it would make quite a cheesy book – in the good sense.

Once I’ve written the book it’s obviously going to be a movie too, thus I need to make up a part for the amazing Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Maybe he would make a fine zombie. I would like Jesse Eisenberg too but I think they might discover the Zombieland rip off if I do. Please email me in decent time if you would like to be in my story too. You should probably act soon before I raise the price. Currently the price is one zombie movie, one part of The Walking Dead comic book, or an album by either Everything Everything, The Limousines, or Klaxons.

Introducing: Indie John

Today I’ve made a horse out of nothing but chestnuts and matches. His name is Indie John. His favorite band is Death Cab For Cutie and he’s a bit of a wuss because he still thinks that Pearl Harbor is the greatest movie ever made.

Depressing Post Alert

So it’s been a while. I have been kind of a nervous wreck these days because my next birthday is coming up. I always get a bit sad and pathetic when I once more can conclude that I have accomplished nothing. I still live at home, have no job, no money, and I’m still a complete loser. What’s most critical, though, is that I have no band and I still don’t know how to play anything. At nineteen Matthew Bellamy and co. had already formed Muse, Michael Cera was already a hot geek and Christopher Mintz-Plasse had already sealed his destiny in Superbad. Anyways, I’ll try to stop whining now. My intention actually was to tell you to download these free tracks from Gayngs. I’ve had some deep moments with them.

Shirtless Indie Zombies Being Funny

At this point I’ve already spent countless hours on finding cool blogs at blogspot. I’ve somehow figured out that it would be a great way to get people to find my blog. I have a strange feeling that no one is reading what I write. Well, that is except from my personal stalker. But I would like it if I had stalkers who weren’t also my friends. I guess the way to go is to just comment on everything you can comment and join everything you can join. I might even be really annoying. That way people will have something to remember me for. I might even get famous for it. The problem is that I seem to be quite picky about what kind of blogs I want to read. I didn’t think I was but I can’t find a blog that holds any of my interests. 

In the beginning I just tried to click next blog to see what I got. I can’t recommend it. Seriously. I seems that every other blog want to save me and turn me to Jesus. I might even go for that if it just wasn’t Jesus. I mean, I know him. I would be funnier if it was some kind of weird sect trying to convince me that the world hates me and they are the only ones that can save me.
When it’s not a site about Jesus it’s mostly a blog about little babies and saliva. I prefer Jesus over that. 

Here’s my list on things I want to read about.

1. Indie music
I would love to stumble upon a blog about indie stuff. Hopefully I could find some cool things to steal for my own blog so my readers would think that I actually was indie instead of a Kasabian listening wannabe. Seriously, I need help. I can’t stop listening to them and they have started the recordings on their next album. I don’t know what to do.

2. Writers who don’t take anything seriously
I find such thing very appealing. I wonder if this has anything to do with me not being able to be serious for more than two seconds at the time. Also, I need something else to entertain me. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman only runs for about an hour. By the way, am I the only one with a major crush on Hank? I know he runs a bar and a brothel but his hair is amazing. Totes bad boy.

3. Shirtless Musicians
I have occasionally spent some time Googling shirtless musicians. When I complete my research I would be happy to share it with you guys. 

4. Zombies
I love zombies. They are awesome. When I’m not trying to be either indie or a geek, I’m trying to be a zombie. I think I’m getting better at applying my make up but I still haven’t succeeded in scaring the neighbors. This is probably a good thing since we’ve rented this house from our neighbors.

Level 1: The Graveyard Zombie Encounter

I actually haven’t slept at all last night which partially explains my Kasabian swamping. The reason for this may actually be a bit hard for you to believe but I want you to ask yourself if you didn’t somehow see this coming at one point. Yeah, I know, this is way too soon. I kind of hoped that I would be after I’m dead so I could let the next generation deal with it. I don’t like people younger than me anyway. However, instead of throwing ourselves on our knees asking Matt Bellamy of Muse if we could live with him in his ‘End of The World’ Proof Cellar, I think we should organize. Besides, I think his cellar works better against aliens than zombies anyway. I will begin by telling the story of how my first and so far only meeting with the dead gore eaters went.

It was a late and stormy evening. Okay, maybe it was just windy. I had just arrived at my friend, Helene’s house. By the way, she is also occupied as my only true stalker. The thing is that her backyard is practically a cemetery. Since she lives in a pretty decent area it isn’t really a scary cemetery. It has all these lovely flowers, doves, and hedges, thus it doesn’t come off as creepy in any way. Besides, I’m really cool and never scared. Except from when I see a tornado in movies. But those bitches are scary as hell so I can’t lose any reputation on that one. Back to the story. In the middle of our evening dinner we heard some strange sounds from upstairs. It sounded like someone was actually walking about up there. Helene immediately got scared and begged me to go check it out. I wasn’t scared but to calm her down we went slowly up the stairs. It was very dark and we couldn’t see anything at first. Suddenly we flicked on the lights and there was light! We then realized that our worries had been for nothing. The upper floor was completely empty. We stopped for a moment to glance out of the big windows facing the graveyard. Even though everything else outside was concealed with darkness we could still make out the stones surrounded by hedges. The wind violently shook every branch of every tree and left us with an uneasy feeling. This feeling almost lasted for two seconds before we shrugged and walked down the stairs to kill burritos. The rest of the evening proceeded as usual. We made our voodoo dolls, our hate lists and talked about how much we hate everyone else than ourselves.

At about 2 O’clock we again heard some strange sounds. At first we thought it was the evil wind again but when the sound turned into a rotten roar we knew we had to take our precautions. We quietly got to our feet as the roar was getting closer. The mission was clear. We had to get out. But how could we get past the big window facing the cemetery? We needed to hide our fear (Helene’s of course – I had none) and act at once. We wormed our way out of the bedroom on our bellies trying to stay unseen. By the way, wear a woolen sweater. The doorsteps are from hell. As we came closer to the window we had to pass before we could escape we could see that the garden lights outside had turned on as a response to movement. The sight was dreadful. Zombies were everywhere. Some were already in the garden, others were trying to make their way over the low fence while others were still trying to escape the graves that had been their prison for so long. One zombie even seemed to be trying to escape with the Weber grill. I honestly don’t know what is going on between men and their Weber grills.

It then became clear to Helene and I that the zombies were going to enter the house sooner or later. If we were going to survive we should strike hard and fast! We ran back to the bedroom and found the emergency make up kit. Looking like someone from The Tribe and armed with a wireless keyboard and an aluminum toilet brush we confidently took the steps down the stairs to the ground level. Halfway down the stairs we heard the garden doors scatter and the sound of the glass hitting the kitchen floor. The sounds were immediately followed by the sound of rotten feet stepping inside the house. We glanced at each other and we could see that we felt exactly the same in this vital moment in our lives; this is going to be the coolest Facebook status EVER! Right at that moment the nearest zombie saw us and clumsily began to make its way to us. Since these zombies had risen from their graves, they were in quite a poor condition. This one in particularly. The face was pretty decomposed but the remainings revealed that the zombie had most likely been an old lady. At least she probably had a long and good life, right? Even though the zombies have once been humans you can’t think of them like that. That will guarantee your own death. I just barely thought of how sad the whole thing was when Helene jumped forward with her wireless keyboard. “I got your back,” I screamed as I leaped forward bashing my toilet brush at everything. At first it seemed like the zombies were falling to the floor one by one. Unfortunately the zombies outside had noticed the sound of our war screams and the zombies’ limbs falling to the floor. Suddenly the zombies were blocking all the doors and we were forced to get to higher level. We climbed onto the kitchen island and armed ourselves with knives and spoons. We sure as hell wouldn’t surrender to these mindless creatures. As they came at us we cut them in little pieces. We were just awesome. Of course it was a little sad to throw spoons at zombies, thus slicing them in halves but yeah, I was pretty good at it.

Just a little moment later there were no more groans to be heard and no more limbs to fall to the floor. Pieces of zombies were all around us. The piles almost reached the counter of the kitchen island. Our clothes and skin were covered in rotten skin but at that moment, we felt like we could survive anything.

Maybe this is a time to question ourselves. Maybe this is a time to question our way of life. Maybe this is a time to question humanity. But this is NOT a time to give up. This is a time to change our lives. To stand together united against the dead. Against the darkness. We will fight this. We. Will. Not. Give up!

Next level!

Secrets Revealed

You are about to learn of another guilty pleasure. I would actually love if I could write about really cool music and be the front runner when it comes to indie music but I’m just not that cool. I constantly and repeatedly fall into the sneaky traps set by The Big Four. This time it’s Kasabian. I’ve actually been in love with them for a while. I saw them at Roskilde Festival and they were absolutely amazing. Too bad the rest of the festival didn’t notice. Or maybe they just stayed away due to mainstream alert. I think I might have a little bit of Britney Spears hidden in me. Kasabian’s lyrics are awesome to sing along to and the music even better to dance to. Also, Sergio Pizzorno is totally hot in that pirate sort of way. So yeah, I guess I try not to think of Sony when I listen to them. At this very moment my iPod is about to play the last song by them which means that I’ve been sitting on the floor by my computer for 35 songs without a break.
Earlier I’ve been trying to teach my older sister how to headbang to something Justin Bieberish. That was completely frustrating since she insists on doing it her own “cool” way.

Oh, baby I was born with a fast fuse. I got no time to love, just a city to abuse!

I’m aware of how ironic this specific lyric is since time is all I have and I haven’t moved since forever but seriously, just go along with it.

Save Me Facebook, Save Me!

These days it seems that you must like Robyn. Yes, I mean the Swedish singer, Robyn. Lately she’s been hard to avoid. Some critics claim that she is the grandest pop act since… forever. Apparently the entire world has agreed to like her and all the radio channels in Denmark play her. That means that I have to listen to her when my sister is listening to radio AND when my parents are. At this point you may have noticed that I’m not really into that. I must say that I think her music and lyrics are extremely dull and her voice even worse. I’ve even read that she is a greater pop act than Justin Timberlake. Duh! Justin Timberlake had the voice, the lyrics, the music AND the movies. And a disco ball and the bad ass attitude to break it! That, my friends, was a good pop act. Uh, yeah, I have the CD. What’s your point?
Normally I wouldn’t sink to the ‘hate post level’ (*cough*) and just join a Facebook group. And this is where to problem occurs; there is… No. Group. I don’t understand how someone famous enough to be called the greatest pop act can get away with not having a hate group on Facebook. This makes me wonder if I’m the only one feeling like this? Am I missing something in her music? I’m puzzled. I’ve considered making me own hate group but then again, I don’t think I want to one of those people who actually MAKES hate groups. Besides, I’m afraid that no one will join it.
Now, I’m off to sing along to Jus… Uh, Death Cab For Cutie, that's right. I’m SO indie.