I actually haven’t slept at all last night which partially explains my Kasabian swamping. The reason for this may actually be a bit hard for you to believe but I want you to ask yourself if you didn’t somehow see this coming at one point. Yeah, I know, this is way too soon. I kind of hoped that I would be after I’m dead so I could let the next generation deal with it. I don’t like people younger than me anyway. However, instead of throwing ourselves on our knees asking Matt Bellamy of Muse if we could live with him in his ‘End of The World’ Proof Cellar, I think we should organize. Besides, I think his cellar works better against aliens than zombies anyway. I will begin by telling the story of how my first and so far only meeting with the dead gore eaters went.
It was a late and stormy evening. Okay, maybe it was just windy. I had just arrived at my friend, Helene’s house. By the way, she is also occupied as my only true stalker. The thing is that her backyard is practically a cemetery. Since she lives in a pretty decent area it isn’t really a scary cemetery. It has all these lovely flowers, doves, and hedges, thus it doesn’t come off as creepy in any way. Besides, I’m really cool and never scared. Except from when I see a tornado in movies. But those bitches are scary as hell so I can’t lose any reputation on that one. Back to the story. In the middle of our evening dinner we heard some strange sounds from upstairs. It sounded like someone was actually walking about up there. Helene immediately got scared and begged me to go check it out. I wasn’t scared but to calm her down we went slowly up the stairs. It was very dark and we couldn’t see anything at first. Suddenly we flicked on the lights and there was light! We then realized that our worries had been for nothing. The upper floor was completely empty. We stopped for a moment to glance out of the big windows facing the graveyard. Even though everything else outside was concealed with darkness we could still make out the stones surrounded by hedges. The wind violently shook every branch of every tree and left us with an uneasy feeling. This feeling almost lasted for two seconds before we shrugged and walked down the stairs to kill burritos. The rest of the evening proceeded as usual. We made our voodoo dolls, our hate lists and talked about how much we hate everyone else than ourselves.
At about 2 O’clock we again heard some strange sounds. At first we thought it was the evil wind again but when the sound turned into a rotten roar we knew we had to take our precautions. We quietly got to our feet as the roar was getting closer. The mission was clear. We had to get out. But how could we get past the big window facing the cemetery? We needed to hide our fear (Helene’s of course – I had none) and act at once. We wormed our way out of the bedroom on our bellies trying to stay unseen. By the way, wear a woolen sweater. The doorsteps are from hell. As we came closer to the window we had to pass before we could escape we could see that the garden lights outside had turned on as a response to movement. The sight was dreadful. Zombies were everywhere. Some were already in the garden, others were trying to make their way over the low fence while others were still trying to escape the graves that had been their prison for so long. One zombie even seemed to be trying to escape with the Weber grill. I honestly don’t know what is going on between men and their Weber grills.
It then became clear to Helene and I that the zombies were going to enter the house sooner or later. If we were going to survive we should strike hard and fast! We ran back to the bedroom and found the emergency make up kit. Looking like someone from The Tribe and armed with a wireless keyboard and an aluminum toilet brush we confidently took the steps down the stairs to the ground level. Halfway down the stairs we heard the garden doors scatter and the sound of the glass hitting the kitchen floor. The sounds were immediately followed by the sound of rotten feet stepping inside the house. We glanced at each other and we could see that we felt exactly the same in this vital moment in our lives; this is going to be the coolest Facebook status EVER! Right at that moment the nearest zombie saw us and clumsily began to make its way to us. Since these zombies had risen from their graves, they were in quite a poor condition. This one in particularly. The face was pretty decomposed but the remainings revealed that the zombie had most likely been an old lady. At least she probably had a long and good life, right? Even though the zombies have once been humans you can’t think of them like that. That will guarantee your own death. I just barely thought of how sad the whole thing was when Helene jumped forward with her wireless keyboard. “I got your back,” I screamed as I leaped forward bashing my toilet brush at everything. At first it seemed like the zombies were falling to the floor one by one. Unfortunately the zombies outside had noticed the sound of our war screams and the zombies’ limbs falling to the floor. Suddenly the zombies were blocking all the doors and we were forced to get to higher level. We climbed onto the kitchen island and armed ourselves with knives and spoons. We sure as hell wouldn’t surrender to these mindless creatures. As they came at us we cut them in little pieces. We were just awesome. Of course it was a little sad to throw spoons at zombies, thus slicing them in halves but yeah, I was pretty good at it.
Just a little moment later there were no more groans to be heard and no more limbs to fall to the floor. Pieces of zombies were all around us. The piles almost reached the counter of the kitchen island. Our clothes and skin were covered in rotten skin but at that moment, we felt like we could survive anything.
Maybe this is a time to question ourselves. Maybe this is a time to question our way of life. Maybe this is a time to question humanity. But this is NOT a time to give up. This is a time to change our lives. To stand together united against the dead. Against the darkness. We will fight this. We. Will. Not. Give up!
Next level!
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